The Revelations in the Box
by bruninhagalle
Summary: Tag for Valentine's Day episode (6x14). Booth finds a letter written by Brennan while she was in Maluku Islands and as he reads it, he realizes he broke her heart more than he previously thought.


**A/N:** Hi, guys! This idea came up one day and I decided to give it a shot. This story is the consequence. I'll always wonder what Brennan and Booth said to each other before getting together and sometimes it turns into a fanfiction. I hope you like it! A big thank you to my partner in crime and bete reader **thais_christ.** I love you, girl!

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 **The Revelations in the Box**

 **Angst/Romance**

 **Booth & Brennan**

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 _Tag for the Valentine's Day episode (6x14)._

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He knew it was late. He knew she could be sleeping right now. He also knew none of this used to be a problem before… well, everything. Never once – except maybe that first time after finding her mother – had he doubted he would be welcomed at her place. He had always used his gut – and granted his unique knowledge of her – to be sure when he should or could make his appearances at her door.

Sometimes it was a tough case and she needed the company or his comfort.

Sometimes she simply invited him over.

Sometimes he would turn her lack of popular culture into an opportunity to spend the night watching a movie with her.

He would always find a reason, even if it was as terrible as seeing her lights on from the street. And she would always accept it, a bright smile on her face and a knowing look in her eyes.

Now, as he made his way to her apartment, his nervousness was a statement to how far apart they have fallen. He had no idea if she wanted to see him. Worst of all, he felt he didn't even have the right to just show up anymore.

He thought back to the last months of his life and sighed. He screwed everything. Royally. And in the process, ended up hurting the only person who least deserved it. Bones. His Bones. The woman who had her heart broken so many times by the people she trusted the most, he didn't understand how she could not see she was the one with the lion, open heart.

He wasn't blind to what he had done to her, not anymore. In the beginning, he believed he was seeing in her eyes and behavior what he desired to see before they went their separate ways. She couldn't have changed her mind about him, about them. She probably was just missing him. Her partner. Her _friend_. As his relationship progressed, he barely looked at her at all. He couldn't remember, for the life of him, the last time he had really, _really_ looked at her.

Even when she had poured her heart out to him in that rainy night, admitting her regrets, he hadn't looked close enough. He hadn't even properly comforted her for God's sake. And like every other time during those past few months, he had blocked out the sound of her sobs the minute he got home.

And yet, after all he had done, she had come to his rescue at the Founding Fathers. She had endured his harsh speech and accepted the choices she had. In the end, she had chosen him. She had forgiven him. She had stayed.

How could people say she was cold hearted?

She even had gone as far as bringing him a Valentine's "gift" earlier this evening. Not because she had to. She was not his girlfriend. She had done it solemnly to make him happy. To make him feel better about his failed relationships. To comfort and to be there. All the things he hadn't bothered to do since they came back.

That was part the reason he found himself at her door in that moment. He had to reciprocate. Quid pro quo. He had in a bag her favorite Thai food, the one that just the smell made her smile. It was his mission to make her laugh at least once tonight (and everyday afterwards). He could do it.

He knocked on her door and waited. When no response immediately followed, he knocked again. Nothing. He was almost giving up when the sound of light footsteps reached his ears.

The smile on his lips died the minute he took a look at her tired face.

"Hi, Booth." – She smiled, her voice laced with sleep. She had changed the clothes from the shooting range for a black t-shirt and yoga pants.

"I'm sorry, Bones. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine, Booth." – She stepped aside to let him in.

He walked past her, hesitating as he stared at her apartment. He looked around, taking in everything he hadn't seen for more than a year.

It was like coming home all over again.

"Do you want something to drink?" – She asked as she stopped in front of him, rubbing her eyes.

He refrained from smiling at how cute she was.

"A beer would be nice. And I brought take out." – Booth showed the bag he was still holding. – "Your favorite."

"Oh. That's good. I haven't eaten since our shooting session."

"Of course you didn't, Bones." – He rolled his eyes.

Some things never change.

B&B

They ate on the dining room, their conversation – and bickering – involving a wide range of topics. She asked about Parker and they decided Booth would bring the boy to her house next Saturday. The three of them would spend the day at the pool.

He wanted to know about Max and she told him he was visiting her every month since her return.

It felt so good to sit beside her, to share with her news of his son or trivial, silly things. He told her a joke and she laughed out loud, actually getting it. He smiled back, holding her eyes and as his expression changed, her laughter slowly subsided.

His face became serious as he contemplated how close he'd come to lose it all. This place, this woman, this relationship. He marveled at how fast she could make him forget his anger at women in general. At her.

How could he stay mad at her when she could warm him up from the inside out only with her beautiful eyes and rich laughter?

How stupid could he be to think proposing to another woman could erase what he felt for this one? What he would always feel for her.

 _You can love a lot of people in this world, but there is only one person that you love the most._

"Booth? Are you okay?" – Brennan noticed the change in his mood and part of her was satisfied she could still read him.

"Bones, I…" – He took a deep breath. What did he want to say? He was no near ready to start anything with her than he was that night, days ago, at the bar. – "I'm sorry."

"For waking me up? I told you that's no,"

"No." – He held up a hand, interrupting her. – "I'm sorry we didn't get to do this in a long time. I'm sorry for pushing you away." – He fell silent when he noticed the way she averted her eyes and lowered her head.

"That was expected, Booth. You were in a relationship. It's a requirement that you spend time with the person you are with."

"You were sad, Bones." – She looked up at his honest (and correct) conclusion. – "Since we came back, you were sad and I wasn't paying attention enough to see it. To see _you_."

"I was happy for you." – She replied sincerely, a stubborn defiance in her eyes. Because she was, she was happy for him (terribly sad for her) and it was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her adult life.

"I don't doubt you were happy for me. But I should have done something for you."

"What could you have possibly done for me?" – She really wanted to know because the one thing she wanted the most he told her she couldn't have.

 _I'm with Hannah now. I love her. She's not a consolation prize._

"I could be there for you."

A sad smiled tugged at her lips as she shook her head.

"You were, Booth. As my partner. And I understand that was all you could give me. _Is_ all you can give me."

She got up, taking their empty plates and bringing them to the kitchen sink. She took the opportunity to take a deep breath. She didn't expect him to bring it up. She always thought their time apart the last few months was to remain unspoken. There was nothing either of them could do to change that. And she really needed to move forward. To adjust.

She came back to find him in her living room. Brennan joined him on the couch, feeling suddenly exhausted. Her head was pounding from the long day they had and right now, all she wanted was to close her eyes and let the silence and his warm presence next to her bring her some comfort.

B&B

He usually despised silent moments. They made him uncomfortable and he always felt compelled to fill it. As he glanced at her, Booth found his partner fast asleep. He smiled, enjoying the moment to watch her and the silence didn't feel as bad anymore.

She looked so peaceful, so beautiful, so… Bones. God, he missed her. And he had no one to blame for that but himself.

He knew he should leave and let her rest but the familiarity of the whole situation paralyzed him. She certainly wouldn't mind if he stayed exactly where he was for a few more minutes, would she?

He smiled, thinking she probably wouldn't appreciate the way he was staring at her. But part of him was curious to know what she would do. What would she see? Had she moved on? Could she? He had tried and epically failed. She might just not know what it all meant for her. And if remembered his words through the drunken haze from that day, he made it crystal clear he didn't want anything to do with her besides being her partner. And catching bad guys. And having celebratory drinks.

How wrong he had been. How hurt. But he would show her. He would gain her trust back. If he played his cards right (the analogy wasn't lost on him and he was damn good at cards), maybe even her heart back.

Tearing his eyes away from her face, he took his time to look around the room. Her bookshelf was at the exactly same place. He would have to survey it again and see what new titles she had brought in his absence. Her ancient artifacts were in their usual place with the addition of a new one, probably from Maluku's. Her wall was still devoid of a big tv. On the coffee table, he saw her laptop, a recently used glass of wine and what appeared to be the manuscript of the book he heard she would publish in a few months.

A devious grin spread across his face and with a last glance to make sure she was still out for the world, he leaned forward. It was only when his hands had reached the book that he noticed a white box next to the empty glass. What caught his attention wasn't the box though but the envelope inside of it. It was addressed to Seeley Booth.

B&B

" _Dear Booth,_

 _I am not certain of the need to send you this letter but I won't find any peace of mind until I do this. I think about the words I want to write to you every night before I go to sleep and it is starting to be counterproductive. I need my resting hours to perform my best here and since we are not having much progress, my abilities are even more required._

 _It's been six months since I last heard from you and I am fully aware by now of how wrong I was. Being away from our criminal world because I could no longer stand the thought of you getting hurt before I could save you was not the solution. You are in a war zone. You are in the least secure place I can think of. And if you need me, I would never be able to reach you in time to save you. How could I ever think our current arrangements were what I needed? My sabbatical time never included sending you to a war zone and yet, when faced with this reality, I did nothing to stop it. I let you go and now I have no idea how you are._

 _Please tell me you haven't injured yourself. Tell me you aren't being a hero. I am perfectly aware of how important your presence and expertise are over there. However, I can't stop thinking that my need for you to be in one piece, as selfish as it sounds, is more important than anything else. You have to come back. Do you understand that?_

 _And maybe when we are both back, I will be courageous enough to tell you this in person: I started seeing things differently, seeing us differently, Booth. Being here, away from you, gave me time and space to contemplate our relationship. There are some feelings I have for you I can't honestly name nor explain them. I have felt them before, of course, and that is probably why I rejected you that night. They scared me and I couldn't acknowledge them. All I knew is how strong they were._

 _These past few months, I couldn't help but truly feel them. The nights are lonely here and you are all I think of. And they are stronger now. So strong that there are days I miss you with a physical pain, as if someone is squeezing my metaphorical heart. So strong that, for the first time in my professional life, a dig doesn't feel accomplishing enough because you are not a part of it, even if you have nothing to do with what I am doing here. All of this feels wrong, somehow, without you._

 _And with feeling, came wondering. What I am feeling, is it what you call love? If it is, can I set my fear aside and give us a chance? Would you still accept me? Have you moved on? Could we work as good as a couple as we do as partners? Could we last for 30, 40, 50 years like you wanted?_

 _I have no answers, Booth. What I know is that we are an amazing team, one I shouldn't have broken and one I long to have back. I hope when we see each other again, you can help me answer these questions._

 _Maybe then we can go somewhere. Maybe even to that somewhere you envisioned the first time we kissed and that sent me running away from you._

 _Maybe this time I will run to you._

I miss you terribly.

 _Yours truly,_

 _Bones."_

He was completely aware of how hard his hands were shaking by the time he finished reading the letter. Each word felt like ripping his heart out. If he thought he had screwed everything up, now he knew it was much worse than that. He had broken her heart more than he could ever imagine, more than he could handle.

 _Oh my god. What have you done, Seeley?_

Her apartment suddenly felt suffocating. He had to leave here. Now. He was starting to get up to do it when her gasp, somewhere behind his back, froze him.

 _Fuck._

Dropping the letter on the table, he got up and slowly turned around to face her. He expected to find an angry Brennan but her face was nothing but peaceful. Their eyes locked and he felt remorse so powerful he took a step back.

 _How could you do this to her?_

"Bones, I…" – He stopped, the words stuck on his throat. Moments of the last months of their lives flashed through his mind.

Their conversation after getting back when he said he was involved with someone else.

The look on her face after he said that.

Kissing Hannah in front of her, several times.

Casually asking Hannah to move in with him with Brennan literally standing by his side.

The Bakelite telephone.

Her admission of having regrets.

The proposal.

The _fucking_ proposal.

"Booth?"

He blinked and Brennan was now right in from of him, almost in his personal space. She looked concerned and he watched in horror as she raised a hand and touched his cheek. Only then he noticed she was wiping away a lone tear he hadn't even felt coming.

Booth briefly closed his eyes, getting lost in her tender touch and was pulled back to reality when her worried voice filled the air.

"Booth."

He abruptly took a step back, away from her, from her forgiving heart.

"No. I don't," – Shaking his head, he moved further away from her. – "I don't deserve you. I don't,"

"Stop it, Booth." – She decided to stay put for a while. Maybe he needed the space between them. – "I never meant for you to find the letter. It doesn't matter anymore."

"It doesn't matter?!"

He felt anger rising inside of him. How could she say that?

"It doesn't. There is no logic in trying to change the past. It's a waste of time, Booth. Just let it go."

"Why didn't you send it?"

 _Why, Bones? This letter would have changed everything._

She sighed, this letter being the last thing she wanted to talk about. It hurt only to think about the night she wrote it and how hopeful she felt just to be crushed when he told her he was with someone else a month later. Or how, during the last months, she spent her Booth-less nights with the letter as her company, wishing she could have her partner back, her best friend. Wishing things were different.

"In the morning light, I lost my courage. I made a deal with myself that if what I wrote was still true by the time I'd have to go back, I would show it to you. I would do it face to face. You deserved that much."

He nodded, knowing what she wasn't saying. Knowing he hadn't given her the chance to say anything when they were back.

"Look, Booth, you don't have to say anything. You made my options crystal clear and I chose to stay here as your partner. I don't expect anything else from you and the fact that you read the letter doesn't change it. Don't worry. You've moved on, I get it. I'll adjust."

He nodded again and for a second, she thought he was just going to turn around and leave.

"It never stopped, you know?"

He took a step towards her and she took it as a good sign, even if his words confused her.

"What?"

"What I feel for you, I never stopped feeling it."

Her brows furrowed in that absolutely cute way that meant she wasn't following.

"You moved on, Booth. You… loved Hannah. You asked her to marry you. I know how much marriage means to you."

 _You did it all wrong, Seeley._

He took another step closer to her. Part of him desperately needed to touch her. The other one was begging him to just run. Run from her, from what he'd done to her, to them.

"I did. I loved her." – She nodded, resigned, and for a moment, he saw the pain passing through her blue eyes. – "But none of that changes what I feel for you. I shouldn't have asked her to marry me. I didn't think it through. It was a mistake. I made a lot of mistakes these last months, Bones. I'm so sorry."

It was her turn to move closer to him. So close they just needed one more step to be right into each other's personal space.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Booth. You found someone who could make you happy. Just like you warned me you would. How can I blame you for that?"

God, could she be more perfect?

"Because, Bones, I should have said a lot of different things that night. I should have told you I didn't want you to change. I've fallen for you just like you are. I wouldn't change a thing." – He watched as her eyes started filling with tears. – "I should have told you that you have the biggest heart I know. It's so much bigger than mine."

"Booth…" – She whispered, not sure her heart could take his words and none of him more than what he had to offer. She wanted everything.

"I should have told you I would wait for you. I would wait for you because I wasn't being insane. Our outcome would be different because we are different. Because we are the center and we will always hold. How could we not when you are the best thing that ever happened to me?"

Just like she had done for him, Booth raised a hand to clean the tears falling down her beautiful face.

"But I'm telling you this now, Bones, because it is still all true. I just hope one day you can forgive me for the way I treated you, for the way I broke your heart."

"Booth, you don't,"

He cupped her cheeks, effectively shutting her up. If she believed in souls, she'd be sure he was seeing hers by the way he was looking at her.

"I still feel it, Bones. I buried it for a little while but I still feel it. My mistake was not holding on strong enough to that feeling and wait for you to catch up."

With her eyes still locked on his, Brennan asked the only thing that mattered to her.

"Is it… is it love?"

She saw as his lips slowly turned up, a smile that finally reached his eyes.

"Yes, Bones. It was love then. It is love now."

 _It is love forever._

She smiled too, leaning in so her mouth was almost pressing against his.

"I still mean every word I wrote. I still feel it too."

He rested his forehead on hers.

"Is it love, Bones?"

"Yes." – She breathed and the next thing she knew, his mouth was on hers, kissing her as if his life depended on it. Brennan fisted his shirt, bringing him closer, needing to feel all of him against every part of her body. She opened her mouth, moaning as their tongues touched. One of his hands found her hair while the other slipped inside her t-shirt and touched silky skin. It was the warmth radiating from her that brought him back to his senses.

"Bones, I… We should… I,"

"I know." – She smiled, not moving away from his arms, her hands on his chest.

"I know it's not fair to ask you this, especially after everything I've put you through but can you wait for me? I just need a little time to stop being angry and to forgive myself. Can you do that for me?"

"Time and space?"

He laughed, remembering another night. Pulling her against him, he buried his face in her hair, nuzzling her neck.

"Just some time, Bones."

"Okay."

She put her head on his shoulder, content to be there for as long as he let her.

She smiled as another letter came to her mind and she wondered if one day he would read it too.

It just wasn't the time and place.

 _Yet._

After all, everything happens eventually.


End file.
